They Couldn’t Play for Toffee if They Tried!

I saw a team from Doncaster, the borough famed for spice
Where butterscotch is made, you know, and all the things as nice
but that cricket team, you found if you observed them more than twice!
They couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

Their bowling was the weakest I’ve seen for many a while
They’re batting it was chronic in its amateurish style
They framed in such a fashion that it forced a chap to smile
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

The fellows of the home team scored as freely as they chose
They could score of every ball of such trundlers as were those
What makes them play at cricket surely only heaven knows
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

Their fielding was a sample of how not to do the trick
They couldn’t stop the ball when it wasn’t going quick
I’d like to bet that some of them could hardly stop a brick
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

The home team ran the total to 100 runs and three
Then the captain closed his innings and he murmured “Now we’ll see
“If the visitors are batsmen,” but good heaven, what a spree!
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

When they faced some decent bowling it was fun to see them try
Their efforts so ridiculous, made several people cry
And they summed up their performance by the utterance: “Oh! My,”
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!

I’d advise that team from Doncaster to go sell their things
And then invest the proceeds in some marbles and some rings
For their present show discredit on the pastime only brings
For they couldn’t play for toffee if they tried!
G.R. Tennyson-Sims